just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
