He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
