one two three fourrrrnication!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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