Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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