good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
