Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
