I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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