I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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