Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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