hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
