It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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