it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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