He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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