I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
