She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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