Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
