remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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