I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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