I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
