i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
