she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
