So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
