I faked an abortion last night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
