if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck appropriateness.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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