Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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