I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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