Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
