He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
