Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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