matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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