just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
