you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
