Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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