Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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