Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
