chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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