rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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