you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize