if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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