This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
