i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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