A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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