yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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