he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
