Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
