Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
