Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
