I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
