Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is Oprah even human
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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