You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
