Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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