is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Less talking, more tequila
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
