imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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