last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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